Published: May 09, 2008 09:55 am         

Argus Hamilton for 05-09

HOLLYWOOD—God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Bill Clinton was reported in the Globe tabloid to be infuriated by rumors of Hillary having a lesbian relationship with a female aide. The story is ridiculous. Anyone who’s seen Hillary’s schedule would know that it’s been a year since she’s been in bed.

Indiana poll workers turned away a dozen nuns trying to vote Tuesday when they didn’t have photo IDs. They all walked out in a huff. Al Gore saw the clip and said it was just more evidence of global warming to see penguins this close to the equator.

Hillary Clinton took her campaign to the hills of West Virginia Wednesday. She won in Indiana and Pennsylvania and leads big in Kentucky and West Virginia. Hillary would leave the Methodist Church and convert to coal if she had an ounce of gratitude.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.