Published: May 12, 2008 10:21 am         

Argus Hamilton for 05-10

BEVERLY HILLS—God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Jenna Bush was married at the family ranch in Crawford Saturday with President Bush looking on. The ceremony went off flawlessly and without a hitch. Disaster was narrowly averted last month when Donald Rumsfeld was fired as the wedding planner.

Frank Sinatra is pictured on the new forty-two cent stamp out Monday as the Postal Service pays tribute to Old Blue Eyes. They are increasing the price of the stamp by one penny. The only way they could get Frank Sinatra was to raise the cover charge.

Roger Clemens’ mistress Mindy McCready claimed she was seventeen when they met, not fifteen. He’s also linked to three other women. Right now he wants to step back and spend a little private time with his family, if he can remember where he left them.

The new Grand Theft Auto IV video game made five hundred million dollars in its first week in stores. It provides fast action and guns and sex and car theft and violence. The video game’s so addictive that rehab centers wean you off it with crack.

Oliver Stone gave interviews Friday about his new movie on President Bush. The director resents him. Until President Bush began seeing Saddam Hussein as a threat to the United States, Oliver Stone was the leading conspiracy theorist in the country.

Hillary Clinton had to loan her campaign six million dollars on Wednesday. Her game plan was flawed. The strategy to win the Democratic nomination by appealing to white voters collapsed when it turned out they’ve been Republicans for forty years.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.